Hearing In a New Way

My students' recital theme this year is Music From the Screen. I always do one or two pieces at the recital. This year I am doing one score piece - "Dreamcatcher" by Alexandre Desplat from New Moon (yes, it's from a Twilight movie) - and one soundtrack piece - "The Call" by Regina Spector from Prince Caspian.

"The Call" is about the Pevensie children being called back to Narnia when the time is right, how they will remember everything because for them it's only been a year, but Narnians will forget because it's a new era in this magical land.

But as I was working on it today, the lyrics took on a new meaning for me. Here they are:

It started out as a feeling
Which then grew into a hope
Which then turned into a quiet thought
Which then turned into a quiet word
And then that word grew louder and louder
Till it was a battle cry
I'll come back when you call me
No need to say Good-bye

Just because everything's changing
Doesn't mean it's never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are
As you head off to the war
Pick a star on the dark horizon
And follow the light
You'll come back when it's over
No need to say Good-bye

Now we're back to the beginning
It's just a feeling and no one knows yet
But just because they can't feel it too
Doesn't mean that you have to forget
Let your memories grow stronger and stronger
Till they're before your eyes
You'll come back when they call you
No need to say Good-bye

This is a war I'm fighting. Anika started out as a tiny cluster of cells, and grew larger and larger, until I gave birth. And believe me - there were definitely "battle cries." Then she was gone, but some day I'll be called back to her.

I worry about people forgetting about her. How long til some people do? Because they will. I think some already have. People who knew me through the entire span of my pregnancy or for years before that, who were at her memorial, and who used to be fine at the mention of my previous pregnancy or Anika's name now seem uncomfortable when the subject comes up. While they felt pain for us when she first passed, it's no longer new for them. It's old, past tense, and it doesn't need to be discussed further. So I'll forgive them. But I will never forget Anika, and some day her beautiful smile and loving eyes will greet me when I return to her in Heaven.