We all know someone who sugar-coats everything. They tell you:
Everything's fine!
I'm just trying to stay positive!
Yeah, I'm bummed, but it's all for the best!
But you know what they really mean:
I'm so upset that I'm surprised all my hair hasnt' fallen out, that I haven't gained/lost 50 pounds, and that there's no gaping hole in the middle of my torso.
Well that's me. I'm just a big mess with pieces all over the place, but I dowse myself in yummy candy-coating. I do this for you because I don't want you to feel awkward or worry about me, and I do this for me because I don't want to become a disaster in front of you.
No more.
Today I make a promise to myself and to you that I will feel what I need to feel when I need to feel it. If I'm feeling dark and depressed, I will let you know, so you can help me. I value our relationship, and I know you want to be there for me.
I will no longer be a chocolate-covered car crash.
My daughter Anika was fullterm stillborn. This blog is about our griefs, pregnancy after loss (hopefully), and hope.
Megan, thank you for sharing your heart. My prayers continue to be with you and Andrew. One thing I am still learning is to feel the grief/pain when I miss Braden and not bury it. It's been almost 2 years and I still struggle with this. Your open-heartedness encourages me.
ReplyDelete-Danelle
Thanks, Danelle. I couldn't believe what happened with Braden - my heart ached SO much for you. I can't imagine what that would feel like. I'm glad to know my attitude is encouraging. Even "a little good" is "good" when dealing with tragedy.
ReplyDeleteMegan, I feel the same way alot too, and your right on sugarcoating everything, I do the same. At work people ask me how am I? I reply "good" but we all know that sometimes i'm not really doing good. Thanks for sharing this, it has helped me to let people know how I'm really feeling.
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